


Come Up And See Me

by DementedPixie



Series: Demented Pixie's Buckystuckyfanfic [4]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Bucky Barnes Needs a Hug, Bucky Barnes Recovering, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Post-Captain America: The Winter Soldier
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-04
Updated: 2019-06-04
Packaged: 2020-04-07 19:34:49
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,439
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19091674
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DementedPixie/pseuds/DementedPixie
Summary: Post Winter Soldier - Set after 'Return To The Fold'. When The Avengers lived together in Stark Tower. Because. Endgame.In which there are feels and everyone needs hugs and looking after.





	Come Up And See Me

Come Up and See Me

 

 

“Can I, er, ask Bucky here a question?” Clint drawled, his relaxed tone mirrored by the way he was reclining on his chair so far that it was a wonder he hadn’t fallen off it. 

Bucky turned towards him, narrowing his eyes slightly. “Go ahead.”

“You pulled Cap outta the Potomac, right?”

“Right.” 

“Clint…” said Steve, his voice quiet but most definitely a warning. 

“No, hey, it’s great,” replied Clint. “Amazing work, man. I’m just saying, if that had been me? Cap would have been in Davey Jones’ locker by now.”

“Ah!” Tony got up and pointed his pen at the electronic flow chart presentation again. “You see? Clint has a thing. I didn’t know he had a thing, you didn’t know he had a thing but he, absolutely, most definitely has a thing. Right?”

“If you mean I can’t swim, then yeah,” replied Clint. “Not much call for it in Iowa when I was growing up.”

“And that’s exactly what I’m talking about,” said Tony, triumphantly. “We all have hidden things, weaknesses, that could be used against us. Can you imagine how much of a problem it would be if our enemies found out that Clint can’t swim?”

“While I’m hanging off a skyscraper in the middle of New York? Sure.”

Tony sailed on regardless. “And right now while we are between cases, and while…” he threw a glance at Steve and Bucky, “certain members of the team are still in recovery mode, I would like to invite each of you to consider what your particular thing, weakness, might be, and work on correcting it.”

“I also have never felt an urge to submerge myself in water,” boomed Thor, a broad smile on his face. “It is considered un-God-like to be without my armour, unless I am sleeping. Or, you know…”

“Yes, I’m sure!” Tony waved his arms to stop Thor talking before they all found out what he got up to when he wasn’t wearing his armour. “But this is really good. So, we’re looking for a swim instructor for the two of you, right? Any takers?”

Steve’s hand moved as if he was about to raise it before he realised it made him look like an eight year old. Instead his ears betrayed him by turning a little pink as he spoke. “I was taught to swim in the Army, if you call throwing me in the deep end, ‘teaching’. But I’m happy to pass on what I know.”

“And we already know that Marine Boy Barnes can retrieve large heavy weights from the bottom of a river, even with a dislocated shoulder. So, does that sound like a plan? Gentlemen? Yes?”

Steve nodded his agreement and looked encouragingly at Bucky who, after a moment or two’s hesitation, nodded too. 

“Nat is gonna have an opinion on this,” commented Clint, sounding a little unsure of the whole idea. 

Tony dismissed him with a regal wave of his hand. “Already called her. She said she was perfect and didn’t need anything fixed but to please me she’d give it some thought.”

“Perfect. Huh.”

******

Bucky, during his time as The Winter Soldier, had been taught many things including how to be observant. Since taking up residence in Avengers Tower with Steve he quickly realised that it was unlikely he was ever going to be able to out-talk the vociferous superheroes, even Bruce could hold his own when things got loud. So instead Bucky would sit back and observe. 

Clint had just come back from walking Lucky, despite the terrible weather currently drenching the city. 

“Jesus, Clint,” complained Tony, as he took in the puddles of water that were quickly forming around the common area, “don’t you have a towel?”

“I dried him off before coming up here, I promise. He’s just a lot of dog, it’s not his fault it’s raining out.”

At that Clint released Lucky’s leash and all hell broke loose. Lucky evidently decided he needed to reacquaint himself with all the members of the team, dropping water everywhere as he took a moment to sniff each of them before finally honing in on Natasha, who was quietly ignoring him while she read through an old case file from a comfortable chair near the window. He got a few feet away from her, then paused. 

Clint knew what he was going to do before he did it but was too far away to prevent disaster. Lucky started to shake himself off, starting at the tail, shimmying up his body until he got to his head, with huge droplets of water showering everything in the immediate vicinity. Including The Black Widow. 

Natasha dropped her case file on the floor and shrieked, leaping to her feet and backing away from the deluge. 

Lucky had finished his shake successfully but was shocked by the sound of Natasha screaming and immediately tried to comfort her, rushing up to nuzzle her with a canine apology. Natasha was having none of it. 

“Clint, get your dog away from me!”

“Oh come on, Nat, he doesn’t mean any harm.”

“I mean it!” Natasha was now in the corner of the room, backed up against the window, with Lucky rubbing his face on her knees. 

With the air of a man who simply couldn’t see what all the fuss was about, Clint ambled over to Lucky, got a hand in his collar and hauled him back to the kitchen area so he could finish drying him off. 

“He really needs to get that mutt under control,” muttered Tony, under his breath. Then louder, “Barton! Get that mutt under control!”

“Eat me, Stark,” replied Clint, drying Lucky off with paper towels. 

Natasha smoothed her skirt back down, brushing off the droplets of water. She ran her fingers through her hair, took a deep breath, picked up her folder, and reclaimed her seat. But she had turned a shade paler than before the incident, and her hands were visibly shaking. 

And Bucky was the only person who noticed. 

******

Bucky was already in the pool when the others emerged from the changing area, leaving a wake of water behind his strong, smooth, front crawl, his metal arm shimmering each time it arched into the stroke. 

“That really shouldn’t look so strange…” commented Steve, quietly.

“But it does. Yeah,” agreed Clint. “You forget he’s got it, until you see it like that.”

“I never forget he’s got it,” replied Steve, in a somewhat sombre tone.

“Gentlemen!” boomed Thor, joining them poolside as he clapped them both on the back. “This is a great moment! The Mighty Thor will swim like a dolphin!”

“Very possibly,” smiled Steve. “But let’s get you in the water first. Come on.”

It wasn’t the easiest couple of hours of Steve Rogers’ life to date. Thor in the water was like a cross between a baby seal and a depth charge - one minute floundering as he gasped for air and the next exploding out of the water causing a tidal wave. But as Steve gathered together all his patience to start to teach Thor the basics of swimming, there was something that kept distracting him. And that was the complete contrast taking place on the other side of the pool. 

“You should know that nothing much scares me,” said Clint, holding onto the pool edge, water at waist height. 

“But?” prompted Bucky. 

“But this is the exception. I’m not sure I can do this.”

“What do you think is going to happen? Worst case scenario.”

Clint thought about it for a moment or two. “My feet slipping, falling under the water, not being able to get back up, not being able to breath.”

“Those are valid points,” replied Bucky. “Do you think I’d let any of that happen?”

Clint gave him a half smile. “No man, I’m sure you wouldn’t. But it’s in my head, you know?”

Bucky pushed himself through the water to stand an arms’ length away from Clint. “Hold my hands,” he instructed. 

“Hey, soldier, we only just met,” snarked Clint, but held out his hands anyway, reaching for Bucky’s. 

Bucky lowered himself into the water so that it lapped around his shoulders, encouraging Clint to follow suit. 

“We’re in very shallow water,” said Bucky, calmly. “At any time, all you have to do is put your feet down and you can stand up. But I want you to let me tow you across the pool while you stretch your body and legs out behind you. I won’t take you out of your depth, I promise.”

Slowly, Bucky started to move, towing along the stiff board that was Clint Barton. “Try to relax,” he instructed, quietly. “Keep your chin up. You don’t have to kick your legs if you don’t want to, just let them float. That’s it.”

They made their smooth way across to the other side of the pool without incident, then turned for the return journey. 

“Do you wish to take my hands, Captain?” asked Thor, holding them out to Steve with a cheeky grin on his face. 

“Ah, no. Actually, I thought we could use this.” Steve reached to the side of the pool and pulled a long thin buoyancy aid into the water, pushing it towards Thor. “Here, put this across your chest and under your arms… that’s it. Can you float? And kick? Good job. See if you can get anywhere. I’ll be right by your side.”

While keeping careful watch over Thor’s efforts, Steve continued to use his super hearing to listen in to the others. But it wasn’t Clint Barton’s swimming lesson that had him so transfixed. It was his calm teacher, steadfast, reliable and trustworthy, who was quietly taking all of Clint’s fears and encouraging them to float away into nothing. And that was the moment that Steve really started to think deeply about the man Bucky Barnes had become and not the man he once was. That was the moment he really started to notice. 

******

There was nothing Tony Stark liked better than being left in peace to tinker on something electronic. This day should have been no exception but, left to his own devices while Pepper was away, the hours felt strangely long and the peace too oppressive. But something kept him just where he was, working away from everyone else. He liked the solitude, didn’t he? But when Jarvis announced a visitor at the entrance to his Lab, Tony gratefully gave permission. He was a little taken aback to see that the visitor was Bucky Barnes. 

“Hi,” he said, standing up from his work bench, and wiping his hands down his trousers. “Don’t see you down here, like, ever. Is something wrong?”

Bucky’s floppy long hair was providing him with camouflage, as he peered up at Tony through the unruly strands and moved his metal arm slightly outwards. 

“It’s been making a noise since the swim lesson,” he said, quietly. “I wondered if you…”

The look on Tony’s face was very similar to a small boy who had just woken up on Christmas morning to find an entire toy shop waiting for him under the tree.

“Really? But you never… oh never mind, yes, absolutely! Why don’t you come sit over here, let me look at it, wow, this is just, yes, that’s it, right here. You’re okay there? It’s not too… No. Okay, let me just grab the right… so, yeah, it’s making a noise, right? Why don’t you…?”

Bucky took the hint amongst the stream of words, sat on the stool and obligingly bent his left arm at the elbow. 

“Oh!” exclaimed Tony, raising one eyebrow at the resulting grinding, whirring noise. “Okay. I’m, er, gonna need some information before I go digging. Do you feel pain through it?”

“I can feel what you do, but I wouldn’t call it pain,” replied Bucky, still keeping his face obscured. 

“And do you normally, erm… maintain? Shall we say maintain? It? By yourself?”

“I have never had to. I would go back after every mission and they…”

“Right. Of course.” Tony picked up a couple of tools. “Well. If anything I do makes you feel uncomfortable, at all, you tell me. Okay? I’m not into making anything hurt. Let’s see what’s under here…”

Bucky was used to waiting patiently and he went into a kind of semi trance as Tony went about his business. He moved whenever Tony asked him to, responded to any questions Tony asked of him, but generally sat still and focussed on his breathing. 

Tony, in contrast, was in his absolute element. Within the first hour he had scanned the arm in its entirety, identified how it worked, and found the root cause of the irritating noise. 

One thing Tony absolutely did not do, however, was stop talking. The whole time.

“So, I’m just gonna see if this works, here, okay, tell me, like I said before, if you feel anything here. I just need to… Yep. That’s it, okay. So I was just, you know, working on my new suit when you came in, but nothing that can’t wait… Does that usually do that? No. Okay, well, I need to move this panel, I think… but the suit is a surprise, you know for when Pepper gets back, I think she’s gonna love it… Hey, do you get any sort of, reactions to stimuli that you can’t control, like if someone hits your funny bone? I don’t know, I just wondered…”

“You miss her when she’s away?”

It was Bucky’s first contribution to the conversation since first entering the room and it made Tony pause for second. 

“Pepper? God, yes. She’s my life support, the air around me that lets me breathe. You know? She’s always there for me. It’s… it’s always been her. I can’t imagine…” Tony paused again, as if a thought had just occurred to him. “Do you have anyone like Pepper? I mean, did you, back then? Or even now, I mean, either, or…”

Bucky shook his head in reply.

“Oh, come on, man, not even Steve? Surely?”

Bucky tilted his head on one side as he considered his answer, which came slowly, and thoughtfully. “It was always Steve,” he said. “And then for a long time there was no-one.”

“But now you have Steve again. So, you do have someone.”

Bucky shook his head again. “It’s not good to rely on one person that much.”

“It’s not about relying on him, Barnes. It’s about him being there for you, and you being there in return. I can see that in the both of you. Since you came back, Steve is, yes, he’s happier. I know he worries but that’s his nature, you know? He’s happier with you here, no doubt of that.”

“He doesn’t seem happier. He doesn’t seem to need anyone.”

“That’s a front, can’t you see that? He’s the big old Captain America with the spandex and the muscles and the perfect teeth. But that’s not really Steve Rogers – you know him well enough to realise that! He needs you, Barnes, just like you need him. The sooner you both admit it, the better you’ll both be. And on top of that, you have all of us now.”

“Steve’s friends.”

“No! No, Barnes. We’re your friends too.” Tony waved his screwdriver at him. “This. Isn’t this something a friend would do?”

“You’re my friend,” replied Bucky, flatly.

“Of course! And Nat, and Bruce, Clint, Thor, Pepp…”

“They are all your friends too,” said Bucky. 

“Well, yes, naturally. Your point is?”

“That you don’t have to spend all your time on your own down here.” Bucky blushed and lowered his eyes. “I mean, if Pepper is away.”

Tony took a moment to look him over, to take in what he had just said. He looked at Bucky’s half repaired arm, still resting on the bench. “Did you pretend…? No, you wouldn’t have. Would you? Dammit, Barnes.” Tony smiled. “Okay, you win. Let’s get this done, then we’ll go upstairs and see who’s around. Maybe get pizza in. How does that sound? Sociable enough for you?”

******

“Coffee?” offered Steve, as Thor joined him in the kitchen area. 

“Yes, thank you.”

“Did you enjoy the lesson yesterday?”

“It was indeed quite exhilarating, Captain. Thank you. I have been practising as you suggested.”

“Well don’t be on your own in the pool until you feel really confident, but yeah. You really made good progress.”

Steve handed him his coffee and leaned casually back against the kitchen counter, gazing across the room to where Bucky was talking with Natasha, Lucky standing obediently beside them. 

“Your praise is appreciated,” replied Thor, sipping at his drink. “Friend Barnes is doing well, it seems?”

“I hope so, yes.”

“He wishes to please.”

He got Steve’s attention with the comment. “Why do you say that?”

“Watch.”

They watched carefully at the scene enfolding across the room as Bucky handed a dog treat to Natasha. She took it, then turned towards the Labrador, her back straight as she took a deep breath. With an upward movement of the hand that was holding the treat she signalled her request to the dog who immediately sat before her. Natasha hesitated a moment, hardly a couple of seconds, before Bucky muttered something quietly to her and she gave the treat to Lucky who took it gently from the flat of her hand. She then reached forward and gave Lucky a rewarding head scratch. 

“What’s wrong with that?” asked Steve, turning back to Thor.

“Nothing, my friend. Nothing at all. I have merely observed Romanov’s aversion to dogs and evidently so has Barnes. He is trying to help her, that is all. Like he is trying to help Clint to swim, and Banner to cope in large crowds.”

“He’s been doing what?”

“Ah! Did you not know? He and Banner went for coffee at the height of the day when the streets are at their busiest. Seemingly innocent, but I believe he was trying to help Banner with his issue. Again.”

Steve appeared a little shocked by all this information. “Is there anything wrong with him doing that?” he asked, his tone defensive. 

“Not at all, Captain. It just made me feel sad that he felt he had to help us all. It was Stark who set our task, after all, and he didn’t aim it directly at Barnes. Yet Barnes has chosen to see it as a personal challenge.” Thor softened his voice. “I believe he is trying to use it to fit in.”

“Did I hear my name?” asked Tony, joining them at the coffee machine. 

Steve turned towards him, nearly slopping coffee over the side of his mug. “This whole ‘fixing our flaws’ crap,” he hissed. “Were you aiming it at Bucky?”

“What are you talking about, Rogers?”

“That,” said Steve, pointing to where Bucky and Natasha were working with Lucky. “Don’t you think he’s been through enough without you making him feel he has to fix our problems for us? He doesn’t have to earn his place here, Tony.”

“I have no idea what… Oh.” Tony stopped talking, his mouth hanging open. 

“Oh, what?”

“He may, or may not, have spent more hours than I care to remember trying to make me feel better about Pepper being away.”

“How?”

“By letting me fiddle with his arm. He got me out of the Lab and up here for Pizza and movie night.”

“So he’s helped Bruce,” said Steve, counting on his fingers, “And Natasha. He’s taught Clint to swim, and stopped you from feeling lonely. The only people he hasn’t helped are me and Thor.”

“Ah,” said Thor, looking sheepish. “He helped me too. He gave me a second swimming lesson.”

“Why?!” asked Steve, still trying to keep his voice low. 

“I wanted to learn faster than Barton. It’s my stupid pride, all those years of having to compete with my brother… I asked for an extra lesson, and Barnes obliged me.”

“Dammit.”

“Language, Cap,” said Tony, a twinkle in his eye. 

“You don’t get it, do you,” replied Steve, with a sigh. “Since Bucky came back he’s been… well he’s not himself. He’s so quiet, and he used to be the life and soul of the party, you know? Now, well now it’s hard to even get him to smile. Look.”

They might have been trying not to appear too obvious but they failed pretty dismally as all three of them turned as one to look across the room. Natasha was laughing now, a big wide smile accentuated by her red lipstick, as she took Lucky through his tricks. Lucky was showing his own happiness by constantly wagging his tail. In complete contrast, once he was sure that Natasha no longer needed him, Bucky had taken a step backwards and now just looked like he wanted to fade into the background. 

“He shouldn’t be trying to help all of us when he’s got problems of his own,” finished Steve.

“I didn’t realise,” replied Tony, earnestly. “I’ve been so stupid. We shouldn’t have been working on our failings. We should have been helping Barnes.”

“Well it’s not as if you can ‘Make Bucky Smile’ our mission, instead,” scoffed Steve.

Tony smiled, widely. “No? That’s exactly what we’re going to do.”

******

For someone who wasn’t afraid of heights, the fear of falling certainly appeared often enough in Steve’s dreams. 

This time it was a regularly occurring theme - he felt himself falling through the sky in a doomed enemy aircraft. His losses were great, too great to bear. He had lost Peggy, his friends, his own self, only to be brought back to find that everyone of his generation was gone. It felt so incredibly lonely, sometimes he felt like he was being crushed by the loneliness. But who could he tell? Who would understand? So, he pushed it all down deep and buried it all. 

He had let himself fall because he had let Bucky fall. He had held out his hand to him and it hadn’t been enough. Bucky had fallen away through the snow, fallen into a different life, lost to Steve for ever. Or so he had thought. But now Bucky had been restored to him which should be such a wonderful thing, yet Steve… Steve couldn’t bear to think he might lose him again. 

In the dream Steve fell, and then Bucky fell. And Steve couldn’t save either of them. 

The intense feeling of vertigo made him kick his feet out in an attempt to save himself just at the point when he jerked awake. 

“Steve.”

A soft voice, a shadow in the darkness. 

“Bucky?”

“Who else? Shift over.”

Steve moved across the bed to give Bucky room to sit down. 

Bucky gave Steve a few minutes of peace to calm down in, doing nothing more than providing a reassuring presence. Once Steve’s breathing had returned to pre-nightmare levels, Bucky reached to the nightstand for the glass of water, offering it to his friend. 

“Thanks,” said Steve, sipping at the cold water, gratefully. He peered over the edge of the glass at Bucky, who was sitting patiently on the bedside. 

“What?” asked Bucky, blushing slightly under the intensity of Steve’s gaze. 

“You’re not going to ask me about it? Offer to talk it through? Advise me that bottling it up isn’t good for me?”

“No need.”

Steve smiled at Bucky’s laconic reply. “How so?”

Bucky shrugged. “I know what you saw. I see it too.” 

Steve sighed. Of course Bucky could see Steve’s nightmares – he was probably experiencing the same. 

“You know, people thought I didn’t have anything to work on. With Tony’s challenge, I mean. That I’d be perfect in some way, like Natasha joked about. So there really is nobody I can talk to about this, not and have them understand. Except for you. I want to thank you for that, and to offer the same in return. If you ever want to talk about it, about anything, I’m here.”

The only reply he got was Bucky lying down on top of the blankets, curling up beside him and closing his eyes. Because Bucky’s way of showing support wasn’t to talk it to death. He was just there, showing he cared in a way that nobody else could.

Nightmare gone, comfort received, there should be nothing to prevent Steve from returning to sleep. But instead he lay there, listening to the reassuring steady breathing of his sleeping best friend, wondering how he was going to be able to make him smile. 

******

It wasn’t really that Bucky was going out of his way to fit in, any more than he was doing anything specific to prevent himself from smiling. It was just that life recently had been hard, to say the least, and he wasn’t sure how to move forward. 

The physical injuries he had sustained after his fight with Steve on the Helicarrier had healed relatively quickly, if slower than Steve’s. He knew that for a fact because he had visited Steve in hospital - much to Sam’s initial surprise. Then he had waited for Steve to be discharged before breaking into his apartment here in the tower. 

Maybe Steve’s easy acceptance was the problem. Steve had welcomed him with open arms, invited him to move in, talked Stark and the others into accepting him, and started the long job of helping him to get his life back together. But was this really his life? The Avengers appeared to be such a solid team, how on earth could Bucky possibly expect to be considered one of them? 

He felt like a stray dog that had been given the keys to the White House kennels.

With a heavy sigh, he turned his attention back to the equipment he had been using in the gym and pressed the start button on the treadmill, setting a steady pace.

He ran, and as he ran, he thought. He thought about making The Avengers like him by doing nice things for them. He thought about helping Natasha to train Lucky the Pizza Dog. About teaching Clint and Thor to swim. About helping Bruce deal with large crowds. About Stark’s separation anxiety. And about supporting Steve during his nightmares. The question was clear. Was it going to be enough? Would they like him enough, and allow him to stay? Because if they asked him to leave, he wasn’t sure where he would go. He couldn’t go back to Hydra, he just couldn’t. Surely they wouldn’t ask that of him, would they? There was so much they didn’t know about him yet, what if they found out about his past, all the things he had done… He wasn’t worthy of them, he wasn’t worthy of anything…

“Barnes! Look, just try to breathe with me, man.”

Why was he staring at the vaulted ceiling? How did he get on the floor? Was that Clint’s voice?

“Rogers, get yourself down to the gym, pronto. Your boy just started fitting. I don’t know how! Just get down here. Okay, Bucky, just stay down. Lay back and breathe, that’s all you gotta do. Steve’s coming. It’s gonna be okay.”

Sounds became muffled. There were voices. Gentle hands on his face. 

“Did you know?”

“No, no idea.”

“Is it epilepsy?”

“I don’t know. He needs a Doctor.”

“Nnnnn….”

“Bucky, I can get medical here in minutes.”

“Nnnnn….”

“Dammit. Not this again.”

“Not what again?” Clint’s voice. 

“He refused medical help when he first came here.” Steve. That was Steve. 

A period of time went by, time he couldn’t measure. He might have been floating, or he might have been carried. And then he was lying on a bed, his bed, in Steve’s apartment. 

And he was calm. 

******

The comforting sounds of Steve making coffee in their small kitchen gradually filtered through to Bucky. A kettle boiling, teaspoons clattering in mugs, the fridge door opening. He closed his eyes, focussing on the softness of the borrowed hoody he was now wearing, and the comfort of the sofa as he nestled into it. This peace, this domestic normality, was something he had been denied for so long. And now he had it, he was terrified it wasn’t going to last. 

“Here.”

He opened his eyes and reached to take the mug that Steve was offering him. Steve sat down on the sofa, far enough away to give Bucky space, but close enough to show his support. 

“I know you don’t like to talk too much, Buck. But there are some things I need to know.”

Bucky sipped at the hot liquid, looking sideways at his friend. 

“Has that happened before? The fit, I mean?”

He took another sip. 

“I’m only asking in case you need help, medication, anything. Epilepsy can be controlled now, Buck, treatments have moved on since back then. If that’s what it is then we can…”

“It’s not epilepsy.” Bucky reached down to place the mug on the floor. 

“Oh. Okay. Then…?”

Bucky sighed. “Hydra. They controlled me, put things in my head. You can’t even begin to know…”

Steve shifted so that he was sat sideways on the couch, facing Bucky. “You’re wrong, Buck. I do know. After the Helicarrier, before you came back. Natasha gave me a file about you. I can show you, but I thought it might be hard for you to see. But I know what they did to you and how they did it. I do understand, more than you know.” He reached out and put a hand on Bucky’s arm. “You’re not on your own. Let me help.”

Bucky pulled his arm away and hugged himself with it, hiding his face behind his hair. “Because that’s my weakness? Because Tony Stark told you to?”

“Do you really believe that of me?” Steve voice sounded wrecked, and the pull to look up and meet his eyes became too great for Bucky to resist. 

“No,” he admitted. “Sorry, Steve. It’s just hard.”

“What is?

“Everything. I don’t know what everyone expects from me.”

“We want to see you happy,” replied Steve, tears evident in his eyes even as he put on a brave smile for his friend. “We want you to be comfortable here, to recover, to feel like you belong. We want to see you smile.”

Bucky dropped his gaze again. “I’m not sure I remember how.”

“Then let me help you try.”

******

Like every other aspect of Bucky’s recovery, it wasn’t a quick fix. But gradually the ex Hydra assassin began to feel more at home with the other Avengers. Clint’s swimming lessons became a regular thing and, whenever she was around, Bucky accompanied Natasha on walks to the park with Lucky. Sometimes, he even slept for a whole night without nightmares. And sometimes, so did Steve. 

As for Tony, the times when he would choose to shut himself away in isolation became less and less, with he and Bucky competing for how many pizza and movie nights they could instigate. 

And these became their true golden moments. 

Bucky was leaning on the microwave as he waited for the popcorn to pop, laughing so much that he could hardly breathe. 

“Your mother was a hamster and your father smells of elderberries,” cried Tony, from his place on the sofa.

“Are you suggesting coconuts migrate?” giggled Clint.

“We are no longer the Knights who say Ni” contributed Steve, in as serious a voice as he could muster. “We are the Knights who say…”

“Icky icky icky ptang ping!” finished Bucky, as he pulled the microwave door open, his face flushed with the sheer exhilaration of uncontrollable laughter. 

That evening when Pepper arrived home from her business trip, she stood in the doorway for a moment or two watching the chaotic but good-natured battle that her boyfriend was definitely on the sharp end of. Steve was busy tipping popcorn over Tony’s head as Tony retaliated with a pillow in his opponent’s face while Bucky, mobile phone in one hand, nonchalantly knocked them both over with one swipe of his cushion. Clint was lying on the floor in the middle of a wrecked blanket fort, laughing too much to participate, waving his hands uselessly at them all.

Was it childish? Maybe it was. But as she continued to watch their pillow fight and became infected by their breathless laughter, Pepper found she really couldn’t imagine telling them to stop. Because the Avengers would lay down their lives to save the world but before they could do that, they had to save themselves.

And Bucky was smiling.


End file.
